be yourself.

assalamualaikum.

first of all, this is a random post. so, if theres any parties that offended with my words — i already told ya, it's random.

have to say that we(girls) have that tendency to have a perfect life. i know. we tend to have a perfect body, a perfect skin and mrs. perfect it all. like how people nowadays labelled perfection as body goals, skin goals and segala goals. yes, i'm included in that categories too(just so u know).

i was so obsessed to have a nice body and a skin with no flaws(if that possible). i was so obsessed to have them until i forgot to accept my own self. i forgot to treat my inner self well bcos i'm too obsessed to fix my outer skin. i'm soo pissed off with myself rn. i was deceived by social media, i get insecured when i look at a girl with a good skin, a girl with no flaws, a girl with nice body. my head said "u must have that body too" my heart said "u need to have that skin too" my nafs said "u r not pretty enough, u need to be more beautiful" there's like a tiny little voice that told me to have more that what others have. u know what i mean right? but u know what... don't trust what u see here because it's a fake world, we only show the good side of us.

i didn't realize what has happened to myself until my mom reprimand me. "my dear, u r so obsessed to have a good skin, u went on extreme diet, u already lose 6kg! u use all sort of products on ur face. if theres a pimple on ur face u'll act like this world will come to an end. it's just, pimples. u r not grateful of what u've now. u know that's not good right? don't be too obsessed until u forgot to think what's good and what's not. u learnt that moderation is better. but think, what u r doing now is...?" and i was like "no, mom. i just want to be comfortable with myself that's all. i'm not comfortable if there's flaws on my face, visible fat and all. i won't sit back and relax with that" but my mom just smiled and walked away.

and now, after i've think about what my mom told me, i'm now... realize. what i did was wrong. yes, it's good to be comfortable with your own skin, in your own body. but this is not comfortable ady, this is called ungrateful!

yeah, mom's right. moderation is better.
as u know, the more guys look at u, the more u get sin. yeah, you get sin. bcos u make them to look at u. oh tell me, whoever won't look at a girl with a full package face with a next top model's body? atst it's invite to 'zina mata'...

The Prophet s.a.w. said “if the slave sins a black dot is formed on his heart, but if he repents, leaves the sinning, and seek forgiveness from Allah then Allah will forgive him. but if he continues to sin and the black dot will grow till it covers all of his heart. till the blackness covers all of us heart. this the covering Allah speaks in the Qur’an."

if we, girls primp to look gorgeous to went out everyday, and guys look at us from top to toe and was fascinated by our beauty everyday, we'll both get sin everyday. fair enough? that explained what The Prophet s.a.w already state. pity us, pity guys. pity pity. so, it's clear now right?

last but not least, stop sighing. stop complaining that u don't have what others have. just, be humble. be yourself. remember, moderation is better! afterall ur beauty is worth only for ur husband. oh, just saying haha.

that's it. my lil confession for today.

I AM GOING TO READ THIS POST AGAIN IF I GET DISTRACTED AGAIN TQ.

love, dyfz.

solat di oversea.

Aku sempat siap exam awal 23 minit sebelum tamat waktu. Maghrib habis lagi 8 minit. Baik aku cpat keluar pergi solat.

Aku bentang jaket sejuk ni dekat atas lantai. Bukak winter boot besar gedabak ni supaya aku dapat sujud dan tahiyyat dengan baik.

Aku pun angkat takbir..

"Allahu akbar."

Ah.. Lega.

Tiba2 semua masalah di dunia ni selesai sebentar. Tenang hati bila dapat bersolat.

Usai solat, aku pun terfikir nak pergi masjid. Sbelum2 ni memang tak pernah pergi hari isnin sbb kelas selalu habis lewat. Harini awal pula, sempat nak ke masjid nih!

Hah, apa lagi? Aku pun lari(literally) mengejar bas. Naik2 bas penuh macam tin sardin pulak dah. Layan ajelah.

Dalam 15 minit gitu aku pun sampai masjid. Lari lintang pukang nak kejar jemaah pukul 7.30pm. Lari punya lari akhirnya sampai.

Hati rasa rindu betul sebab memang jarang solat isyak di masjid kerana kelas malam 6-9pm. Syahdu sebentar dapat rukuk bersama orang-orang yang rukuk. Hati rasa lain macam tenangnya.

Macam ni lah realiti hidup di negara orang. Mana lah nak dapat masjid merata2. Dapat solat tepi kelas pun aku dah bersyukur. Tu pun terpaksa lah aku selit2 keluar daripada kelas sebab waktu solat hanya pada waktu kelas. Nak merasa jemaah kene ada "bayaran" barulah dapat rasa. Barulah terasa mahal harga solat nih.

Selalu sesuatu tu bila ada depan mata, kita tak bersyukur. Tapi bila dah hilang barulah kita terasa kehilangannya.

Macam tulah aku rasa bila berhijrah dari malaysia ke amerika nih.

Kau yang duduk malaysia tu tolonglah manfaatkan masjid dekat keliling kau tu ya.

---

From facebook source.

recyling bin's game.

I once saw a high school teacher lead a simple, powerful exercise to teach his class about privilege and social mobility. He started by giving each student a scrap piece of paper and asked them to crumple it up.

Then he moved the recycling bin to the front of the room.

He said, “The game is simple — you all represent the country’s population. And everyone in the country has a chance to become wealthy and move into the upper class.”

“To move into the upper class, all you must do is throw your wadded-up paper into the bin while sitting in your seat.”

The students in the back of the room immediately piped up, “This is unfair!” They could see the rows of students in front of them had a much better chance.

Everyone took their shots, and — as expected — most of the students in the front made it (but not all) and only a few students in the back of the room made it.

He concluded by saying, “The closer you were to the recycling bin, the better your odds. This is what privilege looks like. Did you notice how the only ones who complained about fairness were in the back of the room?”

"By contrast, people in the front of the room were less likely to be aware of the privilege they were born into. All they can see is 10 feet between them and their goal.”

"Your job — as students who are receiving an education — is to be aware of your privilege. And use this particular privilege called “education” to do your best to achieve great things, all the while advocating for those in the rows behind you.”

— Nathan W. Pyle

#ourthreeboys.

This week, two of my cousins and a friend were murdered execution style in Fort Wayne Indiana. Since then, I’ve read comments saying they deserved to die because they were muslim, because they were black, because they were probably in a gang, because they were probably on drugs, etc.

They were murdered execution style, with multiple shots fired. They were murdered execution style in this country. We don’t know why. There’s no possible reason why. But even if they weren’t killed because of their faith or skin or nationality, the reaction to their deaths is a direct result of these factors.

Do you know what it takes to run from war? Do you know what it means to flee from one war zone only to land in another? Do you know what it means to flee to “safety" and have it swallow you whole? Do you know what it means to feel unsafe in your own country in your own city in your own skin?

They were good boys. They were Sudanese Americans. They were citizens of this country. They were good boys.

I should not have to state that for you to see them as human. I should not have to state that at all.

Their faces are trending on social media. Do you know how triggering it is to see strangers drag your blood through the mud? They were murdered on Wednesday and again every day since then. They were killed on Wednesday and those who try to tarnish their names are killing us too.

They were good boys and people are saying their skin makes them thugs and their faith makes their deaths worth celebrating.

They were good boys, but what the hell kind of people only mourn deaths if lives were lived according to their standard? What the hell kind of people only mourn people if they look and live and pray like them?

This whole thing has taught me a few things.

Although their funerals were on Saturday, they’ll be buried every day since.

Apparently lives are only worth mourning when they look a certain way. Apparently lives are only worth mourning when they live a certain way. Apparently lives are only worth mourning when they pray a certain direction. Apparently some lives aren’t worth mourning at all.

I won’t sit silently and watch this happen.
If you have somethings to say about these boys, say them to me.
If you have questions, ask me.
Please let them rest.
Please look at how their family mourns them, and tell me again how they’re not human.

They were good boys.

Rest in peace Taha, Muhannad, and Adam.

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

— Afaq Mahmoud

foods from non-muslim: would you eat?

If you receive food from your non-Muslim neighbour, and they say there is no pork in it, would you eat, for example?

Shaykh Yusuf Qaradawi wrote in a fatwa, portions of which may be found in al-Halal wa al-Haram fi al-Islam, "It is not required of the Muslim to inquire about what he has not witnessed, such as how was the animal killed, did the manner of slaughter meet the Islamic conditions, or was the name of Allah mentioned while slaughtering or not? If the animal was slaughtered by a Muslim, even if he is ignorant or sinful, or by someone from among the People of the Book, eating it is halal for us."

According to a hadits, the companions asked the Prophet (s.a.w.), "People bring us meat and we do not know whether they have mentioned the name of Allah over it or not. Shall we eat it or not?”

And the Prophet (s.a.w.) replied, “Mention the name of Allah over it and eat.”

That food is rizqi. It is bad adab for a Muslim to interrogate someone about the food when it is Given and bad adab before Allah (s.w.t.) since He is the Provider of rizqi. So the religion is simple, but Muslims, in their ignorance, make it difficult.

— Faizal Gentlenerd.

let your past make you better not bitter.

Assalamualaikum bros and siss. Aku student uia, and a sister. First of all, lately aku tengok semua pakat post pasal kisah roomate psiko and some sort of horror and spooky stories so now, aku nk bgtau awal-awal, genre cerita aku bukan jenis yg macam tu. So, kalau korang taknak menyesal, dah boleh lah cari cerita lain.

To be honest, aku nama je student sekolah agama. Pakai je macam acah islamik. Dalam ic memang Islam lah. But, dari segi rohaniah, aku memang fail. Aku selalu kalah dengan nafsu sendiri. Throughout my life, i had never once bersyukur dengan apa yg aku ada and yet, i don't even perform solat seikhlas hati and worst, i oftenly skip solat dengan sengaja. Tapi so far, Allah tak pernah miss tunaikan setiap hajat aku, bagi aku kejayaan dalam study and many more.

Aku bukan lah hotstuff pun, cantik apatah lagi. Tapi, sepanjang hidup aku tak pernah sekali pun aku sunyi tanpa dampingan jejaka. But so far, never once lah aku bersentuhan even just pegang tangan dengan diorang sebab bagi aku, aku tak suka disentuh oleh yg tak layak menyentuh. Aku pernah melukai, meninggalkan dan mempermainkan lelaki dan pernah jugak dilukai, ditinggalkan dan dipermainkan. Banyak lah attitude lelaki yang aku tahu and that is why, interest aku untuk kahwin sekarang makin hilang and so do my trust to guys.

Aku pernah je terjatuh cinta dengan lelaki 'alim' and know what? Fizikal alim dia tu tak menggambarkan ciri sebenar dia di sebalik jubah dan kopiah dia tu. Yes, we end up bercouple sebab dia tetiba confess and kononnya serious nak jadikan aku sebagai isteri bila tiba masa yang sesuai. Dan aku pun tatahu kenapa dengan aku yang bodoh sangat pergi sambut huluran 'cinta' dia. First, aku ingat dia dapat lah ubah diri aku, so that aku lebih kenal Islam and berubah ke arah yang lagi baik. No! Hubungan kami tak sampai setahun pun sbab sbnrnya, aku ni dah lah jenis yang kuat cemburu dan dia pulak, ada satu jenis hobi suka kumpul adik angkat perempuan. And i can't stand it. After we broke up, aku masuk uia.

Alhamdulillah, lepas aku masuk uia, atmosfera dekat sini lain dengan suasana sekolah dulu. Aku dapat kawan-kawan yang amalkan gaya hidup sebagai seorang Islam yang sejati. Ada one time tu, one of my friend ajak aku pergi somewhere katanya nak have fun and aku pun ikut lah. Know what? Dia bawak aku g usrah. Habis usrah tu dia mintak maaf sbb tak jujur pasal 'have fun' dia tu dan aku tak terasa nak marah pun. Instead, aku rasa berterima lasih sangat sebab detik tu, all thoughts about my ex pergi jauh sejauhnya and some kinda peace mula terasa dalam hati. Jujur, aku memang tak boleh langsung nak move on after break up.

Itu permulaan kisah hidup aku berubah. Aku jadi budak usrah, jadi pengunjung setia majlis agama, ikhtilat terjaga sampailah sekali lagi aku diuji. Hadirnya insan bernama lelaki buat kesekian kalinya di dalam hati. Aku cuba tepis tapi most of my friends masa tu mempengaruhi aku untuk menerima dia. Dan aku terima. Kesungguhan dia buat aku terjatuh sekali lagi dalam dunia cinta.

At first, dia macam jarang jugak contact aku kononnya nk elak berhubung untuk perkara yang tak penting. Kononnya nak jaga hati taknak dipengaruhi nafsu. But in the end, dia mula pujuk rayu aku untuk keluar bersama dengan alasan nak study sama dekat library. Mulanya memang kami tidak berdua. Tapi lama kelamaan, dia inginkan privasi hanya berdua. Dan kami kerap luangkan masa bersama jalan di sekitar kuala lumpur berdua. Dan, aku sampai tinggalkan usrah, lupakan tarbiyyah dan kembali kepada kehidupan asal aku yang lalai dulu.

Ada masa, aku bosan dengan life yang macam tu. Aku tahu apa yang aku buat tu salah. Tapi untuk patah balik, aku tak mampu. Ada ketika, hatiku jadi setawar tawarnya terhadap cinta si dia tapi untuk menghentikannya aku tak sampai hati. End up, perasaan tu mula bercambah kembali. Tapi kadang-kadang, hati aku sakit sebab rindukan tarbiyyah. So, sometimes aku rebel. Aku buat hal. Aku nak dia putuskan hubungan kami dan jadikannya halal. Tapi apa yang jadi adalah lebih tragis. Ya, dia memang putuskan hubungan kami atas alasan, cintanya sudahpun beralih arah. Dan aku? Aku pasrah. Tatahu sebenarnya perasaan aku sedih ke, marah ke atau mungkin gembira. Aku pun tak pasti. Cuma aku terasa tertipu sangat sebab penggantiku itu bukan orang lain tetapi kawan aku sendiri. Kawan yang kenalkan aku dengan dunia usrah :')

Lepas kejadian tu, persepsi aku dengan lelaki berubah terus. Usrah? Langsung aku tak pergi dah. Hidup aku makin terasa lifeless. Tapi aku manage untuk move on lepas beberapa bulan. Tapi, still aku dah jarang ikut program ilmiah apatah lagi majlis agama. Study pun aku pandang ringan. Aku buat apa yang aku terasa nk buat and selalunya aku habiskan masa bersama novel. Sebab bagi aku, dunia novel lebih indah dari realiti kehidupan.

Ada satu masa, aku upload satu gambar novel yang kubaca di laman instagram aku. Suddenly, ada komen dari seorng junior yng aku hanya kenali namanya. Katanya, nanti dia pinjamkan buku miliknya sbgai bahan bacaan ku.

Dia kotakan katanya tapi tahu tak buku apa yang dipinjamkan? Semua buku buku ilmiah dan islamik. Tapi ku gagahkan diri membaca setiap helaian. Satu persatu bukunya habis ku baca. Setiap kali aku pulangkan buku, dia akan meminjamkan bukunya yang lain pula. Dan aku terperasankan sesuatu. Setiap kali kami bersemuka, dia pasti mengelak dari bertemu mata dengan ku. Aku admit, something happen to my heart. Something yg tak pernah jadi sebelum ni. But still, i can't figure it out yet. Cuma, lately while reading all those books, sometimes aku menangis mengenangkan kealpaan aku sebagai seorang hamba.

Aku rindukan keluarga usrah ku namun untuk kembali bersama mereka aku malu. Bagikan tahu perasaan rinduku, akak naqibahku dengan tiba-tiba hantar mesej melalui whatsapp bertanya tentang khabarku. Dan dia mengajakku kembali bersama mereka.

Terharu? Sangat!

For now, my life getting better and filled with wonderful moments and am not wishing to lose it all again. Thank you Allah for the chances that you've given to me. Take care of my heart, jangan benarkan hatiku mencintai selain dariMu.

Feel blessed :)

— N.A.